[466]

I'm sorry. 

Only today I learned 

you were in pain as much as I was. 

That our wounds mirrored each other. 

We are truly meant for each other.

Sharing the same hatred.

[465]

When you're too broken and you saw another broken soul, and all you did was just give a look to them -- 

You will live your life like usual. Things will move like usual. No one will pay attention to you and your broken part. Even yourself forget about it. Don't waste time mulling over it. 

You lost empathy too.

[464]

I've been choking with my own words. 

This resentment is too strong. 

I am no longer your loyal soldier.

[463]

Remember Him. 

Have faith. 

Heart shall be guided. 

Souls shall return. 

Become whole.

[462]

Broken bones. 

Shattered limb.

Crippled heart. 

Soul never home. 

...

I'm sorry. 

[461]

"All you need is, to find yourself first." 

How can I found myself when everything inside me was so messed up? 

I am an empty shell full of tightly knotted twisted threads, with one big hole.   Even my shadow wants to distance themselves from me.

[460]

Apabila angin turut saling menyakiti, 

mana lagi aku mampu berdiri? 

Akan aku terus jadi abu? 

Lenyap tak tersisa?

Atau, terbang terpusing-pusing

-- hingga angin pun berdamai,

-- dan aku pun jatuh menyembah bumi.  

Tak lenyap, masih ada. 

Cuma luka-luka. 

[459]

Berkehendak akan angkasa, 

tetapi membina daya pun tak sudi. 

Begitulah Jenin. 

Cuma punya angan-angan, tak punya impian. 

[458]

Aku tidak lagi menunggu Laila ku. 

Telah lama tidak. 

Laila ku bukan lagi kerinduan ku. 

Bukan lagi malam yang selalu aku nantikan. 

Dia kini hanyalah satu kegelisahan. 

Kerisauan. Keresahan. 

Malam yang aku tidak lagi selesa 

bersembunyi dalam gelapnya. 

Yang aku mohonkan sekarang, 

dilepaskan aku daripada dakapan nya.

Laila ku, lepaskan aku. 

[457]

Thought I have tried so hard. 

But it's never been enough. 

Not good enough.

[456]

Ketidaksenangan mengganggu ku. 

Berjumpa manusia mengganggu ku. 

Keterujaan mengganggu ku. 

Rela lagi untuk aku tidak punyai perasaan. 

Rela lagi untuk aku duduk diam-diam atas katil berselimut. 

Kerana sungguh, aku tak mampu berhenti berfikir sekarang. 

Hilang daya. 

Hilang segan.

Habis semua. 

Setiap kali begini hujungnya. 

Habis semua. 

[455]

Or, what if that's the real me. 

And I just hated it? 

[454]

People say they only can see nice things in me. 

People say. 

But I don't listen to them. 

Yes, I am not. 

People say but they do not know the real me. 

I put a mask over a mask. 

Still put the same mask over and over again. 

No, they do not know. 

That I am not. 

[453]

I don't know her. 

But I have read her struggle. 

She knows she's wrong. 

And she wants to make things right. 

She wants to be better. 

And I do understand her. 

Because I want to be better too. 

So, I pray for her. 

Like I pray for myself. 

Hoping the best I will get, 

she will get the same too.

Because Allah holds every heart. 

[452]

We tend to regret decision we've made before. Because we felt like we could do better. But you know what, we couldn't. That was our first time. New things happen to us, of course we didn't know what to do. Of course we tripped a little bit. And made mistakes. 

Regrets are natural. To live with it but not to dwell in it. To get up and to be the better version from our yesterday. 

Inspired after watching Thirty-nine Ep. 7

[451]

Meminta mati tak berani, 

meneruskan hidup tak mau. 

Begitulah dia sebenar-benar pengecut. 

[450]

Engkau mengadukan sedih hati. 

Kepada Tuhan sudah. 

Kepada aku juga engkau ceritakan. 

Lagi dan lagi. 

Tetapi sungguh aku buntu. 

Bagaimana boleh aku hilangkan kesedihan mu, 

dengan hanya mendengar cerita? 

Pada tiap tangis yang kau senyapkan di balik pintu, 

ketahuilah hati aku turut pilu. 

Oh bagaimana boleh aku hilangkan kesedihan mu? 

Ya Allah, bantu kami. 

[449]

Aku tak pasti mulanya bila. 

Yang aku akan rasa hendak menangis. 

Kemudian membuak-buak rasa perlu menulis. 

Meresahkan. 

Kesukaan aku sudah menjadi sesuatu yang meresahkan. 

Aku tak pasti sejak bila, 

Kopi menjadi sesuatu yang meresahkan. 

[448]

"An old tale known by everyone and no one at the same time" 

We've taken the same path, yet we experienced different things. 

As a storyteller of our own, there's chapter(s) we hide, even from ourselves. 

Known by heart, hidden from the eyes.

[447]

Because rather than being a flower, being put in a vase, where's the beauty captivated and watched by passerby, she chose to be like a dandelion seeds. Can't be seen through the eyes, fleeting directly to people heart. Elevating spirit. And because what's in the heart, stay. 

Inspired from IU, Holssi

[446]

In the middle of busiest road, I looked around. Each of the crowd looks so cool like they have purposes. And then, there was you. Shining so bright more than anyone fixated my eyes. 

Suddenly I didn't feel alone. 

Because there were you, look so lost, and miserable. Just like me.

[445]

Mungkin mulai hari ini, 

tempat ini bakal menjadi 

tulisan-tulisan sebuah jurnal. 

Bukan lagi tulisan-tulisan sepucuk surat, 

yang asalnya untuk sang pahlawan yang entah siapa. 

Mungkin tempat ini, 

nantinya hanyalah sebuah tinggalan. 

Tinggalan tulisan-tulisan yang tak bermakna. 

Yang dalamnya masih penuh rahsia. 

Kerana tetaplah aku, 

mahu menjadikan segalanya rahsia. 

Rahsia walaupun kepada diri sendiri. 

[444]

Untuk setiap ingatan yang telah hilang, 

Yang aku rindu tiap malam,  

Pagi ini aku rela melepaskannya. 

Pergilah..

Untuk pagi ini sahaja. 

Izinkan aku merasa kosong. 

Tanpa ingatan. 

Tanpa rindu. 

[443]

Bagaimana mampu membelai hati yang lain apabila hati sendiri juga masih belum berdamai?

[442]

"Sorry, you came at the wrong time."

The heart without fully healed 

could hurt another heart. 

[441]

Painful memory clouding herself. 

Hugging tightly crushing every bone.

Trying to escape, in her mind, 

wishing only one thing. 

Anybody, out there, kind enough. 

Swinging the sword, slashing the cloud. 

Or even herself. 

So she can break free. 

[440]

Capturing every moment. 

Trying to not forget. 

Sure, the images still there. 

Vividly. 

One that's missing-- 

fogging-- 

unable to recall. 

Was the feeling. 

Nil.