[409]

Tired being myself. 

Penat masih di takuk lama. 

Penat masih tidak  berganjak. 

Penat kerana usahanya masih tak ada. 

Masih cepat penat. 

Masih tak ada semangat. 

Penat ulang benda sama, 

dan masih menjadi yang sama. 

Penat cuba bangun - berjaya sekejap, 

dan jatuh semula. 

[408]

Mungkin, aku yang belum bersedia. 

Atau sebenarnya, aku yang tidak mahu? 

Sebab itu aku tidak meminta. 

Sebab itu aku tak pernah bersungguh. 

[407]

Anak kecil dahulu yang tidak segan menangis di hadapan orang,
kini menjadi dewasa yang senyap-senyap menyembunyikan tangisannya.

Dan, anak kecil yang dahulu sembunyi-sembunyi menangis di belakang pintu,
kini menjadi dewasa yang air matanya mengalir tiba-tiba tidak tertahan,
tidak hirau mana jua dia berada.



Semoga, sebanyak mana air mata yang mengalir,
sebanyak itulah juga kebahagian yang kita punya.

[406]

Aku ini masih seperti anak kecil 

yang mahukan pelukan ibunya 

yang mahu dicium ubun-ubun 

sambil dibacakan doa-doa 

Aku ini masih seperti anak kecil 

yang merajuk kerana tidak diberi mainan 

tetapi sekejap cuma bila ibunya 

tersenyum dan berjanji, 

"Lepas gaji, kita beli ya?" 

Aku ini orangnya mudah 

hanya perlukan ibunya disisi 

walau cuma dengan senyuman tanpa kata 

dunia aku sudah menjadi seperti 

taman berbunga indah 

kuda putih berlari-lari 

burung bernyanyi 

dan bunga api meletup marak 

Aku ini wanita dewasa 

yang masih dan sentiasa 

perlukan ibunya 

[405]

Some people choose to pretend that they are happy when they're not. They thought, when they forced themselves to be happy then, they will be happy eventually and become normal again. They choose to hide their sadness.

Some people choose the other. They choose to show their sadness. Or sometimes been seen as tantrums. Because, "maybe all of us wants to cry but don't want to be sad, so turn out to become angry" (IU, unlucky).

Because by throwing a tantrum seems help to throwing out the sadness too. Then, they will become normal again.

Which one is a right way?
There is nothing wrong in both ways, I presume.
I've done both.

As long as we are not hurting ourselves and other people surrounding us.

But, human make mistakes. Unintentionally, we do hurts someone. And it hurts us too.

At this time, we just hope. We just hope people will understand us that, we're not okay. But truthfully, how they can understand when they do not know? How they can know when we do not tell them? This is the hardest part.

Because we just want people to understand without asking, without the need to tell them. And we cannot assume people to understand us, the same way as we did to them.

Maybe what we truly need is a comfort. We thought we will easily earn it through people, our closest one. But, they will not always available-readily-accept the miserable in us. They can't be blamed. At the end, we only have ourselves. Our prayers and hopes. At the end, only we know how to make ourselves okay again. We just need to give time to ourselves. To become normal again.